Courtesy: http://thoughtballoonhelium.blogspot.com/2010/09/confessions-of-book-fiend.html

As someone who teaches on a weekly basis and who has been through a lot of classes, I can resonate and learn from this list. From the Chronicle of Higher Education blog “Brainstorm”:

http://chronicle.com/blogs/brainstorm/5-more-things-your-students-think-you-need-to-know

5 More Things Your Students Think You Need to Know

Gina Barreca

Today’s points comes from a former student (UConn, ’09) who wishes to remain anonymous. Now a teaching at a middle-school in Chicago, she asked me to let CHE readers know that she is attempting to follow her own advice.

Dear Professor:

1. You might not realize it, but we notice when you’re angry, distracted, annoyed, exhausted, frustrated, nervous, and/or feeling too lazy to bother paying attention. We think that you should be able to put those emotions aside for the fairly brief time we have you as our instructor in the classroom. You don’t allow us to sleep or cry during class, so why should you be allowed to rant about subjects that have nothing to do with the course? If it’s an amusing anecdote, that’s something we’ll welcome, but if you’re tempted to tell us on a regular basis how miserable your life is, how corrupt the administration is, how misguided the government is, or how disappointing we are, then we’d be happier if you would resist the temptation.

2. You might not believe it, but most of the time we don’t think you are funny and we don’t even understand most of the references you make in terms of your attempts at humor. Only a few people still watch Monty Python and we’re not going to start just so we can understand what you mean by “silly walks” and we don’t know all the Simpsons episodes as well as you do. Please don’t get us started on Seinfeld. Our parents think that’s funny. We don’t. We laugh when you pause because you clearly expect it and we want to make you happy and/or get a good grade by getting into your good graces.

3. You might not want to hear this (again, since others have mentioned it) but we spend all our time looking at you and therefore wish you would take even more time to groom yourselves. If you are teaching with coffee stains on your tie, we’ll notice them and then spend time inventing stories about what happened to cause the stains. Did you have a tiff with your partner that morning? Did you hear something shocking on the way to work and spill your coffee in the car? Is this a tie you wore last week and are these the same stains? Please check your fly and your bra strap before standing in front of the class because we don’t know whether what you’re doing is deliberate or not.

4. You might be surprised, but you make a lot of mistakes. Your hand-outs have errors and your power-point presentations, when you can get them to work, often contain mistakes. You omit words, spell terms incorrectly, or supply conflicting pieces of information. Please make it clear to us whether or not you would prefer to hear about these missteps. We hope you do want your mistakes corrected because you spend a lot of time noticing ours.

5. You might be puzzled, but yeah, we talk about you because we see you several times a week. We tell our friends whether or not you are a good teacher and we tell our parents and their friends the same. You are a big part of our lives and so if you see yourself mentioned on those teaching sites or Facebook or wherever, you should not assume we are weird. It would be strange if we didn’t discuss you. This loops back to the first point in this note, which is that we notice whether you give a damn about your teaching and about your students. You can make us feel like we have a chance at grasping a subject or understanding an idea or else make us feel like we’re as ridiculous, pathetic, and useless as we’ve always suspected we might be. It’s easy to make us feel bad and we talk highly of those professors who don’t take the easy way out.

* Bonus note: You probably don’t think it matters, but smiling when you first arrive in the classroom everyday is great.

A few months back however, I met up with my buddy Josh over at the cigar shop “The Federal Tobaccanist” in Portsmouth,NH. We had a great time looking around at their fine pipes and cigars. We were also engaged in a good cigar tutorial by the one of the helpful people that work there. Thus we spent a lot of time in their walk-in humidor checking out their vast aray of quality smokes. As I perused the room one last time before we left, I noticed the inside cover of a box that seemed strangely familiar to me. It took me no more than a second after I stopped to look to recollect where I had seen that design and color scheme. Take a look for yourself:

It was then I realized that one of the higher ups at Crossway involved with the marketing of the ESV must be a cigar smoker. What a clever guy. Josh agreed with me instantaneously. Don’t be fooled by the piety of those involved with the ESV. They are stealing their marketing ideas from a vintage cigar company. Keep that in mind the next time you open your ESV for devotions tomorrow. Hehe.

…I spent last evening with Joel Osteen.

On a dark and stormy night I (and 10,000 others) came to see the charming preacher with bright eyes and a huge smile. I fought mile long traffic to be there…with Joel.

True confession: I came with expectations in hand that “An evening with Joel Osteen” would be bread and circus for the spiritually impoverished. If you want to know my conclusion you’ll have to keep reading through to the end, though in fairness I tried to leave my ref21 hatchet at the door.

I assumed that I would meet those unfortunate souls who at the opening of Joel Osteen’s fifteen city, four nation road show were what we (Reformed types) are so often befuddled by, those teeming hordes of sweet semi-Pelagians who seem to make up the bulk of the American Christian ghetto.

I was expecting to see the poor, uneducated and easy to command, as the Washington Post once famously described evangelicals. People who couldn’t help themselves from being there because they were put under a Vulcan mind meld from their local pastor. I expected to find ancient women with blue hair in attendance from nearby towns like Greer with pre-trib glossy magazines in hand connecting the “ten horns of Revelation” to the activities of nearby Bob Jones University.

I arrived early (taking “Jack Bauer type” precautions that I wouldn’t be followed, and notifying a Ruling Elder in my “CTU friendly” church a head of time), while searching in vain for someone who understood Carl Trueman and had heard of the Ante-Nicene fathers.

Just who exactly comes to a Joel Osteen confab?

I came expecting to find Benny Hinn people and I found instead a Tony Robbins seminar drawing a good representative sample of my community. Indeed, demographically speaking it was astonishingly integrated. It was full of upper middle class Gen X couples (and late boomers) with kids. They came in their tribes of tens and twenties with iPods rather than NIV’s.

My guess is that I was face to face with “Dog the Bounty Hunter,” free-market fundamentalists who were blissfully unaware of the Federal Vision, undecided on the importance of the OT, but definitely unamused by those rascally Calvinists causing trouble in the SBC. Simply because I could, I bought popcorn and Coke and enjoyed the spectacle of Christian roadies doing sound checks on the coliseum floor.

The overall production value of the stage, set and imagery was very good, while at the same time simple and in most ways not overly distracting. There was the obligatory dry ice machine, a few multicolored spotlights and images of the Osteen “rotating open globe thing” that seems to be the symbol of Lakewood Church. In the center of the stage there was RC Sproul’s famous nemesis, the dreaded “portable plexiglass pulpit.” It had one spotlight on it all times (except when the blonde worship leader was singing). There was a box of tissues inside its casing.

The pre-game music was surprisingly toned down (really not unlike that of an RUF meeting). I sensed that the organizers were more worried about turning folks off then they were about meaningfully engaging in crowd prep. I was somewhat proud that those present from my community were on the whole not participatory in the music and theater. Most did not know the words well enough to engage in correct contemporary praise posture. Maybe people at an Osteen event just come to watch?

Why were all these people here? What were they looking for? How had Joel Osteen come to be so important to them? These were the questions I was trying to understand.

My guess is that they came to see this strangely alluring man with his emotionally charged appeal for brotherhood, good works, and hopefulness, who is touching a raw post-modern nerve in the culture; that’s why I came. They also came –unknowingly I think—because Joel Osteen has found a new way to treat their spiritual maladies: ignore root causes and tackle the symptoms.

From the start of the event it was a family affair. The night was opened by Joel Osteen’s brother-in-law, and at different points most of his family present held forth on various matters. His mother, the Venerable Dodi, juxtaposed some classic old school “name it and claim it” with some new fangled power of positive thinking in a moral exhortation centered on recent health issues in her life. She had the line of the night, “If you have a problem, find a verse in there (the Bible) and tell the Almighty what you need.”

Victoria (the Difficult) spoke to us on the fascinating subject of what exactly it means to be married to Joel Osteen. Her story is complicated. She used to work in a jewelry store and then one day (((Joel))) came in to get a watch fixed. She ended up selling him a new watch and soon came marriage and a baby carriage. Joel’s brother (a doctor) asked people to give money to the ministry, after challenging those in the audience to give their tithes first to their local churches. At other points in the show his family in attendance including children, nephews and nieces were recognized to applause. The Osteens, it would seem are the Kennedy’s of the Charismatic Nation.

What would Joel speak about when all the introductions were over with I wondered?

Osteen would speak not once but many times throughout the evening in a succession of unscripted 10 minutes pick–me-up-talks. Each presentation was a variation on the previous theme: “Things are gonna get better… Keep positive.” It was almost entirely bereft of Scripture. In a superfluous way it was very encouraging! I found myself throughout the entire night waiting for the shoe to drop, and saying to myself is this it?

Osteen tells his life story, which in many ways is a classic American success story. He inherited his father’s position (without wanting to) and with one week of preparation takes over the family business. The church grows from 6,000 to over 40,000 in 5 years and has recently bought an $80 Million dollar sporting arena. Osteen strikes me as being amazed as everyone else at own his success and very proud of the family business, Lakewood Church of Houston, now the nation’s largest. Only in America.

The story of Osteen’s success would be a fantastic story of God’s providence if he believed in such a thing. For years he watched the ministry behind a camera, editing and overseeing the development of media. In many ways Joel understood the ministry better than most because he was involved with it in a way that would one day be instrumental in its growth. He also learned a good bit about the charismatic and Pentecostal way of preaching because he listened to these messages everyday in a studio, editing them for television and radio.

Joel’s own sermons are not like those of his fathers (the late John Osteen). They strike me as the next generation of the Charismatic movement. They aren’t about experiencing the power of the Holy Spirit in your life; they are just about encountering your feelings. He talks over and over again about your relationships with other people and in the end he doesn’t really ask you to do anything – except try to change. His language is a mix of manifest destiny and late night infomercial. If I had to characterize the 600 words “sermonettes” I heard I would say “Charismatic emergent, non-threatening, non-spritualized therapeutic language.” Maybe American Idol with Paula as the lone judge.

Never once did I hear the words Gospel, Jesus Christ, Trinity, Sin, Cross (except in Scripture songs sung by performers and in a video testimony played before the Osteens arrived in arena)

So what conclusions can be drawn from An Evening with Joel?

Joel Osteen is the slick and polished face of non creedal American Evangelicalism. Joel is youthful, exuding Opie from Mayberry, aw shucks Americana that is uplifting, believable, and even to this cynic, soothing. Joel Osteen is wonderbread.

Now I recognize that everyone (whether we realize it or not) probably has someone in their life like Joel Osteen, a relentless optimist, who simple mindedly prods one to excellence, selflessness, and endurance. I’m just thinking Joel Osteen is not actually doing this with his people. At the end of the day, Osteen encouraged his crowd not to seek Christ as the solutions to their problems but something else. That something else seemed to be a clever but highly charged view of self. Self-interest, Self-gratification, Self-fulfillment, Self-realization, Self-actualization, with a little bit of sanitized obligatory righteous buzz words thrown in to make it appear evangelically kosher for the uninitiated.

What took place at Osteen’s erstwhile crusade in my city can only be described as the next step in Post Modern Pentecostalism. It is the health and wealth gospel for healthy and wealthy people. If the Christian religion is medicine for souls that are poor and needy than Osteen is a bottle of vitamins in an operating room.

Mel Duncan’s blog can be found at http://riverandrhett.blogspot.com/

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses – you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

1. Define exactly what it is you want to know. This involves categorizing all the concepts in your head. Once you have the concept you are unsure of clearly in your head, then you can begin. Don’t ask a question just for the sake of it.
2. Never ask a question in an aggressive manner that indicates you are only asking the question to prove to the other person that you are right and they are wrong, unless they are wrong and refuse to admit it. Ask because you are genuinely interested.
3. Start off with something simple that lets them know that you are about to state your opinion, but realise it is not complete and you are hoping they can fill in some gaps.
4. Lay your concepts/ideas and assumptions on the table taking care to make sure that the other person is fully aware of exactly what your current thinking is, and why you think it.
5. Pleasantly ask for the gap in your knowledge to be filled, and if appropriate, ask them how they know this and what the general trend is that would short cut path to that knowledge. i.e. no use in asking “is that alive? is that alive?” to everything you see, when the general trend is “if it grows and/or moves independently, then it is. otherwise, you can take it as a given that it is not.”
6. Thank the person. Try and return the favor sometime.

Tips:

• Example: “well, up to now, i’ve always thought that classical music was awful music and not worth listening to. Maybe it’s because all my friends hated it. But if musicians and educated men and women enjoy it, there must be something to it. I know you like it, so can you tell me what there is to appreciate?”
• Incorporate the audience into the question. Invite them in with phrases such as- “did you think about..” or “Have you considered this question…”
• Try and read more so you have substance to what you are actually saying.
• Don’t use huge words. They’ll make you sound pretentious. Just tap into your intellectual but friendly side, and don’t worry too much about coming off as brilliant.

Warning:

Watch out for getting aggressive at the response you get if you don’t like the answers you get. If you’re not willing to receive any and all answers, don’t ask the question. Sometimes a person can answer aggressively to your innocent query. Don’t fret. They just think the question was beneath them, and that you are stupid to ask it. You’re not. They are just bitter and have forgotten what it’s like to search for answers. Basically they think they know everything. You know you don’t. You’re the tortoise. They are the hare.

Thanks to Lisa for tipping me off to this.

With that in mind read her email to Kalila today:Last night was the Train concert. I was dead-center balcony with a good view, and they played all the great songs from all four albums. After the show, I wanted to get my CDs autographed so I was hanging around the stage with a small crowd. Someone came out and said the band wouldn’t be coming out, but a small backstage party was being held for people with backstage passes.Since there was alcohol no one under 21 was allowed, and they were carding . One girl with a backstage pass (How DO they get them???) was 16 and couldn’t get in, so I altruistically offered to get her pass and ticket autographed for her, if she gave me her pass. So there’s your mom, schmaltzing backstage, drinking beer with the band. The room was tiny, so they only let 15 people in! The only down side was that not all the band showed up! I got autographs from the lead guitarist (excellent) and keyboardist. Still, it was pretty cool! LOL, Mom

I have no idea how she did that, but my homeschooling, headcovered, conservative-minded mother-in-law is a groupie.

OK, here is my list of top then people I’d like to ask what they were thinking at any given time in history. As the following will reflect, this can be both good and bad.

10. The Hindenburg (at least the engineers). Why Hydrogen? Are you stupid?

9. ARod in the ALCS. Dude, you are a great player, but that was retarded. How could you possibly think you could get away with swatting the ball out of Aroyyo’s glove. It could have been the difference in the game if Jeter could have been on second instead of first.

8. Bill Clinton. There is documented proof that you were getting pleasured by Monica and you still lie. Huh?

7. David Caruso. How could you leave NYPD Blue after one season? It was a hit. Then you go on to star in “Jade”. NYPD is still on the air…

6. MC Hammer. You were a mult-millionare one month and the next you are filing for bankruptcy. Excuse me? Why? How could you possibly pour that much money into a 100+ person enterage and your dream house? Invest my friend. Let your money make money for you. I won’t even mention the pants.

5. Palestinian Jews in 70 AD. A few thousand of you against the Roman Empire? Odds not in your favor.

4. Hitler. Anti-Christ is the best word to describe you. There is no way you could have possibly taken over the world and created a pure race. Too many have tried and failed. Did you think Mussolini was the missing piece? He was a moron, and you were bailing him out most of the war. Not very intelligent.

3. Origen. Did you really think castrating yourself would solve your lusting problem. Jesus said cut off you hand (if you want to take that literally), not your package.

2. Medical Practitioners Before the Modern Era. How could you think draining people’s blood would help them get better? Especially since it never worked, ever.

1. Michael Jackson Everday After 1985. No more needs to be said.

OK, so they are all “bad”. Sue me.

You guys tell me what you think. Is Jesus your WEDGIE? This picture is disturbing in more ways than one. Time for…rename that book anybody (in the Dr. James tradition)?

By the way, must give credit to Kalila for finding back in the returns area at work. Good eye honey!

Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com ]]> http://www.davesexegesis.com/which-theologian-are-you/feed/ 12 http://www.davesexegesis.com/what-kind-of/ http://www.davesexegesis.com/what-kind-of/#comments Fri, 06 May 2005 16:52:00 +0000 Dave http://www.davesexegesis.com/?p=54 I’m not much for these tests, but Kalila does them all the time and I thought, what the hell?

Check this out:

At last
my love has come along
my lonely days over
and life is like a song

At last
the skies above are blue
well my heart was wrapped up in clover
the night I looked at you

I found a dream
that I could speak to
a dream that I could call my own
I found a thrill
to press my cheek to
a thrill that I have never known

well

You smile
you smile
oh and then the spell was cast
and here we are in heaven
for you are mine at last

I found a dream
that I could speak to
a dream that I
could call my own
I found a thrill
to press my cheek to
a thrill that I have never known

well

You smile
you smile
oh and then the spell was cast
and here we are in heaven
for you are mine at last

ooo yea
you are mine
you are mine
at last
at last
at last
at last

I love you sweety.